CONTEST ENTRY #12

This is my best story.
by Mitch Salm

This is my best story. It’s high school, I don’t know, junior year. And I have this girlfriend who I want to show a romantic evening.
For the first ten years of my childhood, my dad worked at the restaurant, so we got, like, a few hours of dad face-time a day. And it was never during movie time, so my mom picked our movies.
My mom describes herself as a hopeless romantic.
We watched love movies. Sleepless in Seattle. While You Were Sleeping. French Kiss.
I’m horny like every junior, but I’ve also got this romantic streak. I want to take my girlfriend out. And I do. My mom drives us, but that’s okay. We go to this nice Italian restaurant.
I live in a small Wisconsin town, and a nice Italian restaurant in a small Wisconsin town. Hah.
It actually was a nice restaurant.
And the restaurant is great. My mom gets wine, we get water and pizza. But really nice pizza.
Actually it was really nice pizza.
And afterwards my mom takes us back home, and my girlfriend and I—
Okay. Her name’s Sara.
Sara and I get the car—
If we can drive, why did Mom take us to dinner? These questions.
And I take her to the apple orchard overlooking Lake Winnebago. It’s beautiful out. Night. Fireflies dance among brown and green grass, the stars, they’re there.
I remember a moon, too, but the stars and the moon? That’s a bit much.
The skyline of Oshkosh across the lake. It’s warm out and crickets. They’re chirping.
No mosquitoes?
And I made a promise to myself—
Backtrack:
Before the night began, I promised myself I wasn’t going to get physical with her.
Uh huh. Stupid kid.
Too physical, I mean. No gross stuff.
This is a junior talking.
I mean, no body…stuff. Fluids. Maybe light kissing, but no other stuff.
Oops, more backtrack:
Also, I was her first everything. First boyfriend. First kiss. First guy you hold hands with.
Her first everything.
Everything. But it’s romantic and perfect out, and she starts kissing me lightly. Fine. But soon we’re making out, first light, but then heavy, and you know, we are making out hard. And what am I gonna do? I’m a horny high school guy. I’ll f*k tree moss.
Just go—
So we’re making out hardcore, and then she whispers—



“Did you come yet?”


And I say “No I didn’t come yet!” But she doesn’t know. I’m her first everything. She doesn’t know! So I think, a teaching moment. You know, this is a teaching moment. She doesn’t know.
She’s also super Catholic.
You went to a seminary.
Yeah, but I wasn’t super Catholic.
So I say, “No. I did not come yet.” And then I explain to her how a guy comes.
And she takes that—
She thinks, “Oh. This is how to make a guy come. I will make him come now.” So she undoes my pants. And yeah, romance, but what high school guy’s turning this down.
And then—
And then you know, she starts giving—
Giving you—
Giving me a handjob.
But—
BUT I’M HER FIRST EVERYTHING. BOYFRIEND, KISS, EVERYTHING!
Oh shit. You’re her first handjob—
I’m her first handjob. And you know, she’s going at it, sanding my dick, and f*k these fireflies I’m in pain.
But you just told her—
I just told her how to make a guy come. I didn’t ask her to try it on me! And now—
If you don’t come—
She’ll feel like shit! So she’s going and I’m thinking of anything hot I can to make myself come.
Brittney Spears, Christina, ANYTHING. And finally after that walk up Calvary, FINALLY—
You come.
I come.


Now. That’s supposed to be it. End of story. Done. No.
What?
What?
What. Well. I’m watching her, and you know, it’s all over the place. Shirt, shorts, everywhere. It’s all over, and some of it’s on my leg. And what does she do.
Oh god.
Oh god.
She takes her hand. And moves it…toward my leg.
What is she doing.
Oh Christ.
And she picks some of it up. And then. She takes her hand. And puts some of it. On.
What?
My.
NO.
Lips. And she rubs it all over my lips.

And then she takes some more of it. And puts it—
What?
On her lips.
Jesus f*k me.
And then she kisses me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (etc.)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (etc.)


That’s my best story.
Oh god.